Most of the wordy posts on this blog are from the email journal I kept during my years with the narc. I am now narc-free. The dates of the journal entries don't matter much, because the only things I wrote about were: 1. How crazy I felt and/or 2. How I was going to make this work. I left him so many times, I lost track. This time is for good, though. I know too much. I am keeping this blog for my own healing and processing, but I welcome you here with open arms. If you have been abused by a narcissist, I hope you are on your way out and find solidarity here.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Home Sweet Home

i'm deciding

though i'm home
and i want to let you know
just in case
no.
that'll put me
in an anxious place

it will
waiting

and if you don't care to come
to me
that will ruin my afternoon

and i'm a lucky bitch to be home
this afternoon

so i'm not going to make a choice
that will ruin that

especially when i can smell
the scent
the scent of
back up
back off
back away

i smell it through the phone
through the computer
wafting and pouring into my house

the smell that shouts
SPACE

and makes it clear
what i need to do

i just need to see it in print
like this
and i then can reconcile
what i need to do
with what i want to do

there ya have it
09/20/10
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