Everything

here's the thing
to ask you
if i'm your everything
if i'm above the rest
if i'm different than the rest
or if i'm just one of many
would be futile
to ask you that would be futile

any way i would phrase it
put it
ask it

any way i would go there
would sound anxious
would sound pathetic
would sound like i'm digging

and why would i dig
for something i already know

there's no point

but
but
but

can i live with this knowledge
knowing that he
refuses to admit
it?

and what if
what if
what if

i am wrong?
that i'm not his true love?

what if indeed, i am only helping him kill time
until she comes along

what then?
how would i feel about that?

that would be intolerable to me.
intolerable.

i have to be everything.
i know that about myself.

even if he doesn't acknowledge that
i am everything

i have to know that i am.
or we have nothing.
09/20/10