Anxious

and let me remind myself this: 
i am anxious about you
i am anxious with you
i am anxious in thinking about how to communicate with you
i am anxious with you

i don't say things right
i second guess myself
i feel judged by you

you make me less than
i feel less than
because of you

you scare me
and i don't actually
feel safe and happy with you

i just enjoy the buzz
and the knowledge
of my sexual power

otherwise, the rest is a farce

i'm prepared to stay away for a while
but i don't know what is going to happen
i do not know how this will unfold

i have no idea
i just know that i must claim
some serious space
and distance
so i can think clearly
about what i am going to do now

because all your sweet talk
is like needles and thread
sewing my eyes shut
and i want them to remain
wide wide open
while i think this through
09/28/10