you want me
to be crushed
and broken
and ashamed
and spineless
you want that
you kept beating me down
hoping one day i'd just be a
pitiful mess of nothingness
so you kept pounding
kept humiliating
kept abusing
kept doing what you do
eliminating me
because that's what you want
if you can eliminate me
then your problems are over
you don't have to contend with me
if you can just eliminate me
but maybe i give you too much credit
you want nothing but
to serve your own mean
and hateful self
blaming others for your messes
feeling powerless in all situations
that's all
just being your fucked up self
and dragging me down with you
all you want is to wallow
and everyone you touch
to feel the pain that
you feel
that's what you want
but you would never 'fess up
to that, would you?
no, because that would take some
self reflection
and who has time for that
when you are so busy wallowing
and pitying
and stressing
all the goddamn time?
all the time
no time to do anything else
but survive and think
about your own pitiful existence
i'm numb
and weary
but you wanted this
at any cost
even at the cost of my
very own essence
my very self
i am no longer the person you thought
you loved
i am no longer that person
responding to your every breath
your every request
your every wiggle
i am so tired
i just want to give up
and sleep for a very long time
and wake up and
it is over
and done
and i can pick up the pieces
and carry them around
for a very long time
until i can glue them back
together
