Most of the wordy posts on this blog are from the email journal I kept during my years with the narc. I am now narc-free. The dates of the journal entries don't matter much, because the only things I wrote about were: 1. How crazy I felt and/or 2. How I was going to make this work. I left him so many times, I lost track. This time is for good, though. I know too much. I am keeping this blog for my own healing and processing, but I welcome you here with open arms. If you have been abused by a narcissist, I hope you are on your way out and find solidarity here.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Don't Go

He said, "Don't go.  
Don't go."
because he touched normalcy
when he touched me.

He could breathe when I was near.  
He felt,
he saw,
he glimpsed love
because I loved him. 

I loved him. 
I. loved. him.

And I am sad
that he has to suffer.

He made me suffer, yes.
But my heart is intact.
And I am sorry that he has to suffer.
Because I loved him.

I will never go back. Ever.
But today I can't not be sad for him.
I choose to carry that sadness
for now
feel it
and be okay with that.
07/04/10 
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