Call to Arms

Okay, Sister.  

You are getting confused 
and you need to refocus 
and get some clarity.  

YOU are ending it.  

YOU are very clear about that.  

For this very reason of 
having to dance around 
yourself and tell yourself 
that it is okay
that he ignores you.  

IT IS NOT OK.  

And that is why you are ending it.  

YOU are clear about that, 

but you are getting sucked back into

your false self that 

loves the drama and 
the confusion and 
the pain and the anger.  

Oh, yes.  Loves it.  

Your true self loves being no one.  

Just being.  

So you ARE GETTING OUT. 

And you will never ever 
again give him the pleasure of ending it, 
closing everything off.  Oh, no.  

HE WILL NOT 

get that pleasure again.  

YOU will never end it again.  

No, you are ending it and 

maybe he'll never notice.  

This is PAINFUL and 
EXCRUCIATING, 
but you must go 

THROUGH the SUFFERING.  

And you WILL END 

UP ON THE OTHER SIDE.  

You have to BELIEVE 

that this is going to work.  

You cannot give up HOPE.  

You must not give up HOPE.  

It feels long and hard and impossible, 

but you must believe in the IMPOSSIBLE.

You, my love, are LIMITLESS.  

This is the MOMENT NOW 

that you are going to keep going.  

You are the master of this 
moment and your FUTURE.  

You are very clear about this relationship.  

It is painful and keeps you 
from being your 
FULLEST, 
HAPPIEST, 

most WHOLE self.  

You are clear about that.  

But this way actually works for you.  

You can't quite SEE 

yet that you can 

ACTUALLY LIVE WITHOUT HIM, 

but you can and you will SEE.  

You will SEE and you will be free.  

Do not let his voice of 

doubt sing in your ear.  

KEEP BELIEVING and living

into your NEW REALITY.  

Without him to bother you.  

WIthout him to distract you.  

THANK THE UNIVERSE that 

he is leaving you alone.  

This is a strange and 

hard and unusual way to end it, but in your mind 

YOU ARE ENDING IT.  

Totally.  Stepping away.  

Gaining distance.  

SEEING HIM for what HE IS.  

Not in anger, not in disgust, 

but in an objective, 

reasonable way. 

He is a man with a 

big broken heart.  

He is scared.  

He is weak.  

He is ill.  

No judgement.  

Just SEEING.  

Beautiful, sweet, bright sight.  

Thank the UNIVERSE a million times over and HAVE PATIENCE.  

In the worst of it, it is hard.  

No doubt about that.  

Love yourself, forgive yourself, 

and DO NOT SEE THIS 

AS WASTED TIME.  

This time is crucial to your next step.  

It is not hopeless.  
You are not helpless. 

You are engaging your 
super powers by resisting 
compulsive urges to contact him, 
by nurturing yourself.

By keeping the romantic 
fantastical thinking at bay 
and seeing him for what he is.  
In the simplest ways.  

AVOID the CRAZIES.  

There will be OUCHY moments.  

Of that, you can be sure.  

But I am where I am 
supposed to be at this very very very second.  

Every moment that passes that he does not contact me secures my resolve that this relationship is not good for me.  

THANK YOU UNIVERSE for that.  

I am being molded into my next me, 
a fuller and more vibrant me.  

Coming more into me.  

THIS RELATIONSHIP 

HAS SQUELCHED me.  

In this RELATIONSHIP this is 

what I have chosen: 

to LOSE my VOICE, 

to SACRIFICE my DIGNITY, 

to LAY DOWN and DIE, 

to GIVE up my NEEDS, 

to acquiesce to whatever you need.  

You have benefited from 

my ADDICTIVE tendencies.  

But I am overcoming.  

One day at a time.  

One second at a time.  

By writing and reading 

and breathing. 

Here's my big point:  

This time in waiting, 
this time in tension, 
this time of suspension 
IS NOT WASTED TIME.  

Letting that go is a huge relief.  

I have seen this time as an entrapment, 
but this time...
the waiting and resisting and letting go is 

ONE MORE STEP OF THE JOURNEY.  

To be honored and welcomed 

and held sweetly in my mind.  

Be gentle with yourself in this 
TRANSITIONAL TIME.  

You are LETTING GO.  

You are ENDING it.  

In your mind, think as you wish, 

but know in your heart that 
you are running in bigger 
and bigger circles around him.  

He is sitting.  

You are possessing yourself.  

You want him there for now, 

your false self is not fully banished, 

but your circles are 

getting bigger and bigger.  

You will circle away some day.  

Believe that WITH ALL YOUR BEING.  
KNOW that even in the moments of complete obsession and heartbreak, 
KNOW that YOU are GETTING OUT. 

Know that you are 

LETTING GO.  

Know. That. With. Your. Entire. BEING.