you want this

you want me

to be crushed

and broken

and ashamed

and spineless

you want that

you kept beating me down

hoping one day i'd just be a

pitiful mess of nothingness

so you kept pounding

kept humiliating

kept abusing

kept doing what you do

eliminating me

because that's what you want

if you can eliminate me

then your problems are over

you don't have to contend with me

if you can just eliminate me

but maybe i give you too much credit

you want nothing but

to serve your own mean

and hateful self

blaming others for your messes

feeling powerless in all situations

that's all

just being your fucked up self

and dragging me down with you

all you want is to wallow

and everyone you touch

to feel the pain that

you feel

that's what you want

but you would never 'fess up

to that, would you?

no, because that would take some

self reflection

and who has time for that

when you are so busy wallowing

and pitying

and stressing

all the goddamn time?

all the time

no time to do anything else

but survive and think

about your own pitiful existence

i'm numb

and weary

but you wanted this

at any cost

even at the cost of my

very own essence

my very self

i am no longer the person you thought

you loved

i am no longer that person

responding to your every breath

your every request

your every wiggle

i am so tired

i just want to give up

and sleep for a very long time

and wake up and

it is over

and done

and i can pick up the pieces

and carry them around

for a very long time

until i can glue them back

together