Most of the wordy posts on this blog are from the email journal I kept during my years with the narc. I am now narc-free. The dates of the journal entries don't matter much, because the only things I wrote about were: 1. How crazy I felt and/or 2. How I was going to make this work. I left him so many times, I lost track. This time is for good, though. I know too much. I am keeping this blog for my own healing and processing, but I welcome you here with open arms. If you have been abused by a narcissist, I hope you are on your way out and find solidarity here.

Monday, June 16, 2014

The Good

It feels wrong to remember any of the good.  

Dangerous.  Naive.  Stupid.  Ridiculous.

But ultimately, I want to feel compassion for him.  I know he doesn't "deserve" it, but grace is grace.  It will be from afar, to be sure.  

I believe this universe has energy and I want to be part of the pulse that is positive and loving.  I am going to go ahead and remember some of the good.  I believe he managed and existed the only way he knows how, being afflicted with NPD.  

All the tender things, the sweet things, the loving moments...those were all his attempt to FEEL.  Although they worked towards his ultimate goal of using me, I believe part of him really and truly wanted to FEEL and know love.  

So, I am going to remember the good with tenderness.  I want my heart to be soft, not hard.  No contact rules the day, but compassion is her servant.  

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)